Goodbye My Lover
by DracosDaughter1
Summary: Jacob's thoughts about Bella...slightly sad


_**Author's Note: Hey guys, Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews on my two other stories! Please review, I appreciate it. As always, no flames are accepted.**_

**_Disclaimer: I got nuttin...though I would love to claim Edward and Jacob as mine...:(_**

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
_

Jacob Black looked at the church from behind a lone tree. He was in his human form, so he did not scare any human that walked by, even though no one would as it was pouring down currents of rain. He could not believe that Bella had chosen the bloodsucker, Edward, over him. He and Bella had known from the start that they were made for each other. Hell, he had imprinted on her, so he was stuck for life, unable to move on. He had no idea what he had done to make her leave him for Edward. He should have known, though, that this would have eventually happened. She was deeply in love with the both of them, but she could not live without Edward.

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
_

When Edward had left, Bella had come to him. He should have realized that she was hurt and just needed comfort, not another love. However, he did not. She gave her innocence to him and yet she was walking down the aisle to another. She gave him her soul and he gave her his. They were meant to be together, but instead she was with another. He had seen the end coming, but that didn't stop the pain that he was feeling now. It did not stop the silent tear that slid down his cheek.

_It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care.  
_

Even though what they had was over, he would always be here for her. Sure, it would be different when she became a vampire, but that would not change the fact that he loved her. If she still cared about him, if any feeling was still there, he would be satisfied. He would even be satisfied if they remained friends. He knew though, that this would not be possible.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
_

Before he had met Bella, he had been completely different. Then he was uncaring, rude, and only thought and cared about himself. Now, he was loving, caring, and selfless. And hurting as well. He had no goals at the time. When he was with Bella, his goals were to be and do everything with her. Now that had changed. He was blinded by her, and he knew that. He just did not care.

_I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you. _

He shared everything with her, kisses, movies, dreams, goals, and even beds. He knew every minute detail about her, from her various body positions to every characteristic that gave away her moods when she was upset. He was obsessed with her smell. With his werewolf senses, he could pick her sent out from a large crowd a mile away. Simply put, he was addicted to her. More tears slid down his cheeks as he crumpled to the ground and rested his forehead against his knees. 

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me. _

He realized that he had to say goodbye to her but he was not ready for that yet. He did not want to lose his lover, let alone his best friend. He knew that she was the only one for him and would be the only one. 

_I am a dreamer and when I wake,  
you can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
_

He dreamed about her every night, and most likely always would. She was the thoughts running through his mind and that would never stop. She could break his heart, but nothing that she did would ever end his love for her. He would always be fighting, and nothing could change that.

_And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while._

"Remember me, Bella. Remember everything that we shared." he said softly. He saw her cry over the bloodsucker when he had left her. He had seen her laugh every time he did something amusing. He watched her sleep after they had made love for the first time. He knew that these privileges were no longer his anymore, and that ripped him apart.

_I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
_

He would have fathered her children if they would have stayed together. He knew that for a fact. She would have made a wonderful mother, but now she would never get the chance. He would give anything to spend his lifetime with her, but he knew he could not. He knew that she feared losing Edward again, and she knew that he feared losing her to the stupid bloodsucker, but she had caused that fear to re-open when she had left him. They had doubted their relationship at first but it had worked out until he had left her.

_And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you. _

He still loves her that is for sure. He will continue loving her until his death. He continues to pray that she would run out of the doors and away form the ceremony, but she will not. She cannot live without Edward, just as he cannot live without her. And if the only way he could have her is by being her friend, then they would just remain friends. 

_  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
_

He was ready to say goodbye, for now. Jacob stood up and wiped his tears away. He looked toward the church one last time, and turned away. He started walking toward the forest. He knew that if he continued walking, that there would be no going back. He would be just Bella's friend from now on. He continued walking forward, shoulders thrown back and ready to forget about her for now. He was ready to let her go.

"Take good care of her, Cullen, or I will personally murder you," he threatened Edward to himself.

_  
And I still hold your hand in mine.  
In mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bare my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet.  
_

Jacob walked into the forest, never to be contacted by Bella again.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
_


End file.
